


Sign Of The Times

by robertstanion



Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [19]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Autistic!John McNamara, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Songfic, The Black And White, anxious!Xander Lee, but does he, i dont know you should read the fic to find out, john and xander adopt a cat and then john dies, john being autistic isnt a main plot feature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: "I see you standing in the mirror, getting fussy because your vest wasn’t on correctly, I see you and me standing at the top of the balcony, the president heading into the portal, and I see you."When Xander Lee receives the news his husband passed away on the job, he heads straight for their prize possession, only to get something worth more than money appearing in his bedroom.
Relationships: John McNamara/Xander Lee
Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764349
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Sign Of The Times

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, yes, I know, shoot me for having another Harry Styles based song fic, but it fit too well. Shoutout to Sam and my Eli for the idea of John and Xander adopting a cat and then Character A wearing Character B's hoodie. Also how John speaks to the cat is how I speak to my cat and it's very self projecting. When John is hitting his fists together, that is him stimming and is also my main stim. anyway enjoy!

He’d come home alone for good this time, and it hadn’t been a fight that ended him. He hadn’t wanted to go. Nobody had wanted him to go, and it had been an endless one-sided battle between him and his husband to get him to come home, and he had failed. He’d gone, and news at HQ spread quicker than a gasoline fire. That meant it got to him. They’d taken off their hats. They hadn’t said anything about it, just bowed their heads to him. Another superior office came in, dismissed him from the office, and it bought them to now.

The smell of whiskey and coffee was usually the smell Xander associated with home. That was only when _John_ was home, and he was never coming back. Ever. There’d been many instances where they’d believed John was injured to the point of no return, but this time he was trapped in a different dimension with no suit. There was no way he was getting out now. But Xander didn’t cry. He headed to their- _his_ bedroom and went for the chair in his room. At the bottom of the pile was an olive-green hoodie John was obsessed with. Something about the texture and the colour which could calm him down in any sensory overload. He loved the thing, and apparently, so did his cat. He threw his leather jacket off of the chair to see the ginger and white mammal curled up, buried within the contents of the hoodie. Xander sank to his knees. He’d been so strong, and this small thing had sent the waterworks flowing. It hadn’t been his fault, of course it hadn’t. He scratched the cat behind the ears and watched her eyes look at him.

“You miss him too, huh?” He said, continuing to stroke the cat. “It’s just me and you now, Blimmy. He’s gone.” He felt a tear fall down his cheek, and Blimmy, the cat, looked up to Xander. Xander didn’t smile. “Dad’s gone away now. It’ll be a little bit cheaper now.” He laughed gently and wiped his eyes. “We’re gonna be okay.”

“You sure are.” An echoed voice spoke and Xander hadn’t turned around quicker in the entirety of his life. The figure smiled. “Hey, you, stop your crying. You’re getting soft.”

“What are you doing here?” Xander asked in disbelief. The figure shrugged.

“Can’t you see, dear? It’s a sign of the times. And this is me welcoming you to the final show.”

“Stop it-“

“I hope you’re wearing your best clothes.” The other figure eyed the hoodie Blimmy was currently occupying and Xander bit his lip.

“John, you’re dead.”

“At most, I have an hour left. I want to spend it with you.”

“I can’t-“ Xander turned back and squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t do this, John. You’re not _here_ but you are and….you’re gone.”

“I know.”

“And I’m gonna be alone for the first time in thirteen years.”

“I know.”

“It’s too much. There’s too much pain. Why can’t I just be here with you?!” Xander snapped slightly, startling the cat as he looked back to the eery silhouette of his husband.

“I had a feeling you’d attempt something like this. I’ll give you this advice. You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky.” The sound of John’s boots stepping forward added more depth to the room. “Death happens naturally. In my case, not so much.”

“Because you were a fucking idiot who never listened to me!” He felt the imprint of John’s hand on his back. It was like he was there. Xander _wanted_ him to be there, and he wasn’t. Life was cruel. Life wasn’t fair. Life was kicking him down while he was at the lowest level.

“From where I am, Xander, you look pretty good down here on Earth.”

“Don’t.” Xander said and glared at John, who seemed to forget what circumstances they were under, and removed his hand from Xander’s back. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“I meant…”

“Even in death, your main priority is how I look and what I am to you-“

“But you aren’t really good, are you?” Before Xander could look away, John’s translucent hand cupped his living husband’s face. They looked into each other’s eyes. “You got attached. You promised me on our wedding day, ‘no, John, I won’t get attached, you won’t need to worry about me if you die.’ I have sixty minutes remaining, and I’m worrying about how you’ll cope.”

“I always stuck to my word, John. You don’t need to worry.” He felt the soft touch of John’s thumb wiping away his tears, similar to a blanket brushing against his face.

“I’m worrying about you, dear.” John continued; his voice softer. “Now I need you to listen to me,

Xander looked into John’s grey-blue eyes again, that were fading quicker than ever before, and he shut his eyes, thinking back to that morning.

* * *

_I see you standing in the mirror, getting fussy because your vest wasn’t on correctly._

Xander stirred awake and heard the angered scoff of his blonde-haired husband and the sound of a zip fastening up secured by a clip of a buckle. He looked to the mirror and saw the reason why the scoff occurred. Xander propped himself up on his elbows and allowed his eyes to stay half open as he watched John, wondering how long it would be until he noticed that he was awake. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand and continued to focus on the general, blinking softly. “Morning, honey.” Xander said eventually and he watched John’s face lift from his vest to where Xander was lying in bed, all while facing the mirror. John spun on his heel and walked beside Xander’s side of the bed. He stood and looked down at him. Xander looked up. “Not a good day?”

“I am this close to a sensory overload. I hate this stupid fucking jacket.” John said honestly, hitting one closed fist against the open palm of his right hand before bringing his right hand to close into a fist, hitting the open palm of his left hand. Xander recognised these signs and sat up properly.

“It’s gonna be a bad day, huh?” He said quietly, his voice hoarse from just waking up. John nodded. There was a few more seconds of silence between the two before Xander stood up and unbuckled John’s vest.

“I wanted to let you sleep in. It’s Black Friday.”

“What’s the time?” Xander mumbled and unzipped the vest before working on untangling the sleeves, making sure they were flat against John’s denim shirt.”

“It’s 4:30…”

“I’ll go back to sleep when you’re gone.” Xander said, tugging on the back of the vest so it fell into place before he worked on the other sleeve. “And you’re still going to The Oval Office to speak to the president?”

“I should hope so. It’s been on my schedule for three months. You know what Wilbur Cross has planned. He’s getting restless in there alone.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Xander said and tugged on the other side of the vest, tightening it when needed. He zipped it up and buckled it. “Turn around.” John sighed and turned around, allowing Xander to tighten the vest. “Is that better?”

“Much.” John admitted and turned back to face Xander, who had sat back down on the bed. Xander rubbed his eyes and held his hand out to John, who took it, reluctantly sitting beside him.

“Are you keeping your hair down? I can tie it up for you?”

“No.” John insisted, the top of his lip curling into a snarl. “My hair feels like Velcro right now and if that touches my neck I will lose all focus and I won’t hesitate to do something very stupid.”

“Hey….” Xander said softly. “John, look at me.” He said, and John looked up to him, his blue eyes heavy with anxiety. “You won’t commit anything like that today. It’s going to be stressful, but we’re going to make it back. You’ll then be able to come home to Blimmy and me later on, we’ll have dinner and you won’t have to wear this uniform for three weeks. Three weeks, John. That’s 21 days of freedom. You’re gonna make it back.”

“I guess…” John said and bit his lip, moving his eyes away from Xander, who smiled again.

“Let’s take a picture. Of us. Me, you and the cat.”

“Blimmy is _not_ just ‘The Cat,’ Xander, he is our son and you will treat him with the utmost respect and use his full name General Blimothy McNamara Lee.”

“Blimothy.” Xander smiled and rolled his eyes, earning a meow from the ginger and white cat as he jumped up on to John’s lap. John immediately took to cuddling it against his chest, an entirely different side coming out.

“Yes, isn’t that right, baby? You are my son. My son son. The love of my life.”

“I’m sitting right here, John.” Xander smiled as John lay back on the bed, holding Blimmy above his face.

“Be quiet, Xander. I am the favourite parent for this reason.” He watched John kiss Blimmy’s head and nose before he sat up. “Okay. Now we must take a picture.”

Xander smiled and grabbed his phone, turning it to landscape as he wrapped his left arm around John’s shoulders, John’s hands occupied with the cat. Xander smiled tiredly and took a few photos of the two of them, a few of them smiling, and others of Xander kissing John’s cheek. By the fifth photo, Blimmy was taking up the entire photo and the pictures were blurry, but neither seemed to mind. “I’ll see you at HQ.” Xander said and tiredly saluted to John, who placed Blimmy beside Xander.

“Blimmy is going to keep the bed warm for me.” He said before he looked at Xander. “Get some rest, I shan’t be too long, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Xander said as his eyes flicked shut and he fell asleep once again.

* * *

_I see you and me standing at the top of the balcony, the president heading into the portal._

“Godspeed.” John said, clutching the balcony, his knuckles turning white. Xander climbed up the stairs and looked to the glowing green portal frame, sparks spitting out. John sighed as Xander leaned over the balcony. “I’m regretting my decision.” He admitted and looked away. Xander looked to him.

“You can’t. You’ve had this planned since _August.”_

“You weren’t here 13 years ago, Xander. When we sent my mentor into the portal in the March, he came out a raving lunatic before disappearing off the maps soon after.”

“I’ve got the maps here.” Xander said, placing the portable tablet on the table in front of John, a bright green dot, representing the president, in place, flashing steadily. John sighed and looked down.

“It’s…if we never learn The Black and White’s ways, then we’re going to keep coming back here. We’ve been here before, well…I have. I’ve been in this position, awaiting the return of someone of a higher power, only for there to be a chance that the person won’t ever come out of that portal the same way as when they went in. In the first case, they had a gun, and _not_ a suit. The entire team, the lot of us, we ran from the rainfall of bullets he shot. The president doesn’t have a weapon except the hydrogen bomb, but we don’t know how Wiggly manipulates victims, and we know Wilbur may come back out the portal again.” John turned back to Xander. “Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets a lunatic fires?” He asked, tired.

“The bullets a lunatic fires?” Xander repeated, and John nodded. “We’re always stuck here because you _care,_ John. Statistically, you are the best general PEIP has seen since the 60’s when the branch was founded. You understand every single one of your agents, and you ensure they get the best experience they can while working. I’ve seen all the agents come to you for a problem they’re finding hard to solve, and I know you don’t feel like it, but many admire you and are privileged to work with you. They love you, John. And I know you don’t understand it yourself, but many-“

“Mr President?!” John cut Xander off when there was a sickening crackle from the other end of the line. He could see the colour drain from John’s face as he started hitting his fists together again, sliding the device across the table to Xander. He noticed, on the screen, that there was a red dot.

“That can’t be possible…” Xander whispered to himself. “Mr President? Howie?! John…we’re losing him…” Xander said and looked at John, who stood bolt upright again and put his hand on his husband’s shoulder.

“Xander, I know what must be done.” John said in a near whisper. They had a spare suit, but by the time Xander raced down the steps, John was in the portal without one. He swallowed and stared at the hissing green sparks as he took a breath and returned back to work. For John, he told himself, but it was for him.

* * *

“And I can see you.” Xander opened his eyes and looked at John again, more tears flowing. “And-John, it’s not too late we-we gotta get away from here! We gotta get away from here and I can go in and get you, I’ll get your body, I’ll pull you out-“

“Shh….Xander, just focus on stopping your crying, it’ll be alright.” John said. “They’ve told me that the end is near. My time is running out.”

“It’s a twelve-minute drive from here to the precinct! We’ve gotta get away from Hatchetfield, we can-“

“Just stop your crying.” John repeated, continuing to swipe the tears off of Xander’s skin. “Instead, have the time of your life. Don’t focus on me.” John’s soft smile was bittersweet, and Xander wished it wasn’t an illusion. “I’ll soon be breaking through the atmosphere, and even in my worst times where my body is in excruciating pain-“

“What?!” Xander said and looked at him, but John pressed a finger to Xander’s lips.

“Listen to me, Xander.” John remained calm. How, Xander was unsure of, but it certainly was John’s strength. “Things are pretty good from here, and you need to remember, because of my actions I took, the consequences that’ll emerge from this will be that of the truly good. We’ll defeat the truly bad, and there will be no versus anymore. You need to remember that because of me everything will be alright.”

“It won’t because you won’t be here for me.” Xander couldn’t stop crying, and with every breath came more sobs. John’s smile faded then as he stroked Xander’s cheek, giving up on wiping the tears away.

“This isn’t our end. We can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here like you want. No more Hatchetfield. No more being stuck and running from the bullets of a lunatic. Peace, calm, and quiet.” He bit his cheek and looked back into Xander’s eyes. “I’ll admit, now that I’m here with my old mentor and that fuckin’ doll, it makes me think back to earlier. We don’t talk enough.”

“We talk every day.” Xander pulled away from the hologram-type projection of John and swallowed, gently plucking Blimmy from the hoodie.

“About work. We should open up, right here, right now before it’s all too much.”

“John, you know that isn’t going to happen.”

“Will we ever learn?” John asked and looked back to Xander. “In the last hour of my life, we’re not going to try and be a normal couple?”

“This situation is hardly normal, you’re _only_ a projection. I want you here.”

“I know you do. But we’ve been here before, and it’s just what we know. This is our normal.” John appeared to take a breath. “We’ve got to get away, but it’s only you who can. So, Xander, I’m asking this of you.” Xander felt something cold in his palm. Xander placed the olive-green hoodie in his lap and opened his palm to see two items. One being a silver band with the initials of G.J.M engraved in them, and the other being a wristwatch with a leather band, the hands a precious silver. Xander immediately looked to John, who was standing in front of Xander in a saluting position. “You’re in PEIP now, Zee.” John pulled his hand away from his forehead, a lighter patch of skin around his wrist from where his watch should have been, as well as on his left ring finger. “Get her done.” Xander stood up then and grabbed John’s hand.

“I can’t be the General, John.”

“Someone needs to take care of the organisation now I’m away, and you fit all the criteria. You’ll do the best thing you can for us and for PEIP.” John smiled, finally relaxed. “I love you, Xander.”

“I love you too.” Xander said in a whisper as John faded. Xander slid the ring in his pocket and fastened the watch around his wrist and looked to Blimmy after pulling the hoodie on. “I’m getting dad back.” He said and took off to the car.

* * *

Xander arrived in the next twelve minutes and slid the spare suit on, activating the portal. Others tried to stop him, but he was gone. And he was armed. He went to find John and his body. It took a while before he saw a green glow. He drew the gun and aimed it.

“Lieutenant Lee.”

Xander spun around. “It’s General now. It’s General Lee-McNamara.” He said and let his lip curl.

“You look appalling.”

“Enough of the chat, Cross. Where’s my husband.”

“He’s dead!” Xander shook his head and looked back to Wilbur as a light shone on John’s body. His body was bent at a weird angle, but his eyes were open, and his chest was rising and falling. He was smiling, John McNamara was _smiling,_ and it was because of him.

“I’m not running from the bullets, and Wiggly can’t protect you from this.”

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

Xander watched Cross’ body slump to the ground, and Wiggly’s laugh faded, leaving John and Xander alone. Xander looked back to John. “I’m getting you out.” He said and crouched down, lifting John up. He didn’t hesitate to burst into a sprint, ignoring how tired his body was already from John’s weight, but he made it. He made it out The Black and White and he bought John with him. He shut the portal and pulled the helmet off. “Can we get a medic?!” He called and the agents nodded, muttering a ‘yes, General,’ and rushing. He lay John down on his table and stroked his hair.

“Hey.” John whispered and Xander smiled. “I’m gonna be alright, like I said.”

“I got your message.” Xander said gently, sitting beside him as an oxygen mask was placed over John’s face, medics working around the two. “This position isn’t a permanent promotion. I’m handing it right back over to you once this is all over.”

“You look hot in olive.” John said and kept his eyes turned to face Xander.

“So do you.” Xander said and took his hand. He gazed at John for that little while longer. They were okay, they’d learnt their lessons, and they didn’t need to mess with the Black and White any longer. They saw the signs. They learnt their lessons. “I love you, John.” John’s eyes opened into little slits and there was a small smile beneath the mask.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Blimmy the cat is going to be the name of my future cat with the full name of Sir Jeffrey Blimothy the Nineteenth. I also didn't know how to round it off and it is 1:13 AM and I'm watching jacksepticeye and i am tired, so goodnight, hope you enjoyed, be kind to each other.


End file.
